Behold, Phil Kessel’s Fortress of Solitude

Phil Kessel just put his Wexford, Pennsylvania house on the market, and honestly, the listing for the home theater is the stuff of an introvert’s fantasy.


Kessel’s listing agent says that the chair was placed in the room for staging and perspective purposes, but as a person whose anxiety prevents me from crunching on popcorn without stressing that my seatmates hate me, I think it’s perfect just the way it is.

Another highlight of this, the room of my dreams: the autographed Mariah Carey poster. Remember Glitter? Phil Kessel does.

The Mariah Carey flop is one of four films whose posters inexplicably grace the walls of this hallowed room, along with Rounders, The Godfather, and Wedding Crashers.

You can see the house for yourself here, in all of its on-brand Kessel glory. And if you’ve got $2.1 million at your disposal, you too can live like a king (alone in your cinema room).

“What is ‘white flag’?”

Ain’t no shade like Jeopardy! shade, because Jeopardy! shade is unexpected, artfully delivered, and cuts to the core.

Sorry in advance for this one, Mets fans.

Womp.

After impressively losing in walk-off fashion three separate times last weekend, this is probably but a blip on the radar of misery for Mets fans.

He’s not wrong…

JJ Watt continues to be an excellent Twitter follow.

Photo credit: Deadspin

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