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Say No to Spicy P’s Hot Sauce! It’s Cursed!

A while ago, when I was doing research for another basketball article, I stumbled across this piece about the GoDaddy curse and the Toronto Raptors. I’ve always loved the GoDaddy commercials, cackling like an old lady each and every time they came on the television, but I did think it was rather strange that the featured players rarely lasted the rest of the season with the team. What gives, man?

Even though I’m a relative newcomer to sportsfan land, even I have heard of a few curses related to different sports teams over the years. The most famous of which is the Curse of the Bambino: the Boston Red Sox won three World Series titles with Babe Ruth, but they sealed their fate when they sent him to the Yankees and didn’t win the Series again for 84 years. Eighty. Four. Years.

The GoDaddy curse is a little different than this, though. It’s not wreaking havoc on the actual Raptors team – although this could be argued, I suppose. Each player that appears in a promo commercial for the hosting company suddenly finds their game slipping. Last year, after CJ Miles promoted his comfy-looking “CJ’s pjs” on the telly, he fell into a shooting slump that became the worst of his career. My boy Jonas Valanciunas showcased his adorable “Itty Bitty Ballers” for GoDaddy and we all loved it – well, I sure did, at least. Once the Raps made the playoffs, though, Itty Bitty Valanciunas’ was only playing 22.6 minutes per game and making only 11.2 points per game, the second lowest he’d ever shot in the playoffs.

Similar issues occurred for Patrick Patterson, Lucas Nogueira, and Norman Powell. Maybe the sports gods were jealous that Norm wanted a music career and so they tanked his basketball stats?

All of this to say, I’m concerned for the Raptors this season. They’ve already lost Kawhi and Danny. If GoDaddy tries to make a cute commercial starring Pascal and his new line of Spicy P Hot Sauces (I would so buy them) and then he gets foiled every time he attempts a fast break… Or if they promote Serge’s custom sunglasses-print suits (I would so NOT buy them) and then his opponents are suddenly easily making it past his blocks and to the rim…

I can’t even finish those sentences.

GoDaddy, go away! GO AWAY!

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